What makes a house a home

    As I close out this Memorial Day Weekend and the realizations that tomorrow reality swings backs in, I find myself a little sad that the weekend could not last just a little longer. This weekend was not a traditional laid back weekend for us, there was no barbeque or swimming in the swimming pool with the kids, we did however enjoy several movies together as a family, did some work around the house, and helped out a few people we love.

    Over the next week life once again will get hectic around our home. My husband will be working late while I spend my days taking care of phone calls that need to be made, going to appointments for the kids, and along with the ever present house cleaning that needs to be done. At the end of each day though each of us will come home to our home. We will sit in our spots that are comfortable as we watch, we will gather around our table to eat dinner together, and we will go to bed at night in a home that we love.

    Recently I have been thinking about our house, the very thing that we call home. See there is a fine difference between a house and a home. A house is a place that provides shelter or it can be a thing of beauty, an architectural wonder but it doesn't mean it is a home. So what makes a house a home?

    A home is a place where mom has put the two youngest to bed and although she has told the oldest to get in bed, she can still hear him playing. A home is where dad has gone around an made sure the lights are out and the home is secured. A home is a place where it is not always clean and at the end of the day mom is walking through picking up glasses and taking them to the kitchen thinking she will get to them in the morning. Home is where a family can laugh and cry and fight but know this is the place where they belong….they belong in not just any house but the home they have built around them.

    Our home is not a perfect house. It has cracks in the wall and the foundation and the walls desperately need new coats of paint. I have one toilet that could be classified as a rocker and another one that…well that one just needs to ripped out and replaced along with the rocker but then both bathrooms could do with a makeover. Our back door has issues with the way it leans causing it to be quite difficult to shut but the front screen door is no better, as it has been bent and has no handle on the outside (we fixed it once but the handle fell off again, I am holding out for a new door). I could go on and on but the list would become boring…..

    It is not just the imperfections of the house that gives it character and makes it our home, it is also the added personal touches from the way the living room is arranged to the laundry piled on the couch. When you have three children there is always something that needs to be cleaned! There is a load of dishes waiting to be put in the dishwasher right now just like there are toys waiting to be put away in the kids rooms (something I will need to get onto the about tomorrow).

    It is the imperfections and the chores that are waiting that makes this house a home. Our home is lived in and that is how it should be. As I walk through my home I feel that I belong here and I see the potential of what could make this house a better home. I do not want to lose that feeling and while someday we may move, hopefully not soon, I hope that whatever house we eventually move to will have the same qualities that makes this house a home.

    Hope you have a wonderful day! I have a dentist appointment with my youngest son….and no I am not looking forward to but you know what, we will have our home to come home to….

    ~Natalie

Checking in…

    I know it has been a few days since I have written….and every day I haven't, I realize I have missed it. I have so much going on the last few days that when I finally sit down to write anything, well I am to tired and tell myself that I will do it in the morning, however, the mornings have not been quiet lately.

    For those of you who follow my blog and those of you who may not follow but still read it, this my way of checking and telling you I am still alive, just rather busy with life. I have several idea's for postings to come hopefully within this next week.

    Today is another busy day, at least until later this evening. My house is almost clean, the laundry almost done, as well as the dishes. Since the house work is so close to being thoroughly completed, I am putting off everything else to get it done. I also have an incentive to help speed the process along. My cousin, who is also my daughter's godmother, is home for a short visit from Germany where her husband is stationed. She is coming by today for a visit and I am so excited! It has been almost a year since we have gotten to see one another and she will be so amazed at the changes in Keira. The only thing I am sad about is that her husband could not come along for the visit.

    Today will be a good but busy day. Look forward in this coming week to some, hopefully, worth wild post.

    Enjoy your day!

    ~Natalie

Inside the head of an introvert, Part 2 - It’s all about the poetry

    Before I go into the post today, I need to apologize to my readers. Last night when I posted I did not proof read my posting before publishing and as a result my readers had to endure some atrocious grammatical and spelling errors. It was rather lat and I was quite tired but that is no excuse not to proof my blogs before publishing them. I will do my best in the future to make sure and proof read my post before publishing them, so you, my readers, do not have to endure anymore such errors. Now on to this today's post. I told you to look forward to a follow up post to last night's blog….so here we go!

    Years ago I use to write poetry. I was pretty diligent about writing it until I began to crave more than just my poetry. I wanted to write more. Much, much more. The first two poems I ever wrote were called "Oh Turkey Leg" and "Spooky Sisters." I have no idea whatever became of the poems but I do remember they were funny. Can you imagine writing a poem about a turkey leg! Or how about writing about how spooky (and witchy) your sisters are! (Of course two of my sister were born at Halloween so technically that is where the idea came from.) I am sure that if I ever found them I would probably at the simplicity of life. To a fourth grader though it was my finest example of my writing…I even thought I could be the next Shel Silverstein or A.A. Milne, two of my favorite poets.

    Over the years my poetry has come to mean many different things to me. I can still look at each poem that I have written and tell you what prompted me to write that particular poem – I poured my emotions into these poems so each one is a part of me. As I grew as a person, an individual coming into their own, the emotions behind the poems took on additional meanings. I could see how they related to other parts of my life or even how they related to my life in present day. I realized that thanks to the emotion behind them these poems would carry me for years to come and I hope that someday they will touch others lives as they have touched mine.
    So as you can see the theme behind today's post is about my poetry, something very close to my heart. Poetry can invoke powerful emotions and those emotions can evoke powerful memories. There is real beauty and truth behind poetry; it tells a story and helps bring meaning where there was none.
    A few years ago I self published a poetry book called Of Memories and Imagination. In it I published some eighty-five poems, a few essays, and a short story. Once a week I would like to share with you some of the poetry I have written over the years. Tonight I plan to start with two poems that are all about me. Last night I talked about how I was an introvert, shy and reserved, and while these poems where written around sixteen or seventeen years ago, they still show the type of person I am.
    I believe that everyone has a core of who they are and as they grow and learn and evolve – that core is still there hidden in the background at times but it is there. I also believe that as you get older you come to realize and accept who you are as a person. There comes that point in every person's life that they must face this realization and when that happens they find themselves comfortable and happy and not caring about what other people think of them because they know who they are and if others can't see that then, well, it is nothing to worry about. That is where I am in my life or have been for the past few years – I have come to accept the type of person I am, the type of person I have always been and after reading these two poems, apparently I have know it for quite some time and just forgot it.
    The poems are called I AM and Who Am I? I hope that you enjoy them, in fact I hope you enjoy all of the poetry I share from here on out.
    I wish all a good day and night! It is now time for me to be off to bed.
    ~Natalie

I AM

I am a pair of jeans, relaxed

and comfortable.

I am a variety of ethnic foods from summers spent

in museum learning about different cultures.

I am a style called stream of conscious for

acting and speaking how I think.

I am the New World Symphony for the spirit,

turmoil, and lyrical flow in me.

I am a philodendron for my randomness and

seemingly lack of direction.

I am rosy pink for my soft gentle demeanor

and a hint of vibrance.
 

I am the wind, a free spirit always going

my own way.

 

Who Am I?

I run, I jump, I sing, I dance.

I am a human being

I am alive with a brain that works and

Legs and arms that move.

But the question is:

WHO AM I?

Does anyone ever know who they are?

I am a child.

Scared yet wondrous

A child who wants and gets

Attention and love

I am a teenager.

On the go and ready to grow up

But yet I am still a child

I need more time to grow

I am my mother

I have her temper and

Still I have her intelligence.

I am my father

I have his calmness and

I have his love for the outdoors

I am my sisters

I am all of them rolled into one

I am history

What I write, do or say

Will be the history of my family

I am my poetry

What I write is my feelings and emotions

Everything that comes out on the paper,

Is the person that I am.

But out of all, the most important is,

I AM MYSELF!

I am what I write and think and say!

I do what I think,

I don't go with the crowd

I am different and unique

I see things at my level not at others

I am all that I write and more

No one can say who they are unless they know themselves

I know that no words on paper can say who I am

But I do know that through my writings

I reveal very slowly the person who I am...

Because my writings are

WHO I AM................

Inside the head of an introvert

    This morning I awoke to my house already in full swing; kids up playing, my husband watching television, coffee had been made. It was hot and muggy in the house but there was a breeze blowing gently through it helping, somewhat, to cool the house. For the past month our air conditioning had been broken and a broken air conditioning unit does not mix well with the Oklahoma heat. I set myself for another day of heat in the house. For myself, however uncomfortable, I knew I could bear the heat but I worried about the kids getting to hot, especially Keira.

    As I began my day, like just about every other day, I went in a poured myself a cup of coffee and then sat down at my computer to see what new emails I had. Most of it was junk as usual but one email halfway stood out to me. See when I get up in the morning, the first thing I should grab is my glasses but I don't so I am usually staring somewhat blurry eyed at my screen and still half asleep. Without my glasses I begin to read this email and from what I could read through my blurry eyes, I didn't like what I was reading. Someone had posted a comment about my blog. Now to most people this would be a great thing and at first I thought "Alright! Someone actually ready and commented on something I posted!" but it was not a great thing once I read the post.

    I am considered, as personality types go, a very expressed introvert. I don't mind this at all because I am comfortable with who I am. I have my close group of friends, for which I am grateful for, and I have those who are friends, not quite in my inner circle, but are none the less wonderful to have as friends. I have always been one of those people who enjoys a good book over going out with people, maybe that is why I love the solitude of writing. While I am considered an introvert I am not without the gift of gab should someone strike up a conversation with me. You may be asking what all of this has to do with that someone posted a comment on my blog….well let me get to the point, I actually took offense to the comment. It was exactly the type of thing I was not looking for when I started this blog.

    When I say I employ a close group of friends, these people know the real me, and even then there is only one person who truly understands me, my husband, and even he will tell you he doesn't always understand some of what I do or think…hell I don't even understand myself sometimes. I have the shoulders that I cry on, I have the persons I vent too, and I have the people I share my joy with, and to become one of those people it takes a very, very long time for me to get to know the person before they become someone I will bring into my close circle of friends and even then there is no guarantee that I will allow anyone the person in.

    To whomever comment on my blog, I say this….I know you intentions were good, a reach out to me as a friend. I am not asking for sympathy or pity or even friendship because that is not what this blog is about to me. When I started this blog I started it as a way of letting out everything that I bottle up in me….the good, the bad, the downright "what the hell was I thinking moments," and those times I need to find solace in the arms of my writing. This blog is about me letting go, saying what I need to say in the only way I know how to express myself and that is through writing. Writing has always been an outlet when my life has taken a twist, leaving me shattered and trying to find a way to pick myself up and move on. Writing is a way of organizing my thoughts, of picking through my brain to find that solution I so desperately need at whatever I am facing. And lastly, writing is a way I can show the world who I really am without having to overcome my shyness and the anxiety I feel when I am around people who are not close to me.

    As my day wore on today, I went back to the comment many, many times. I debated whether to answer the comment or just leave it be. In the end I deleted the comment but I did decide to blog about it because I felt that I needed to explain a little bit more about who I am. While in some of what I write, I may ask for pity or sympathy, it is not what I am looking for nor is it what I am really asking for – it is me expressing my thoughts and my feelings in the only way I know how to truly let my emotions out.

    Even though my life may have hit a rough patch, I know that somehow I will make it out of it, even if it is not the way I had hoped, and my family will be okay. So thank you to the anonymous commenter for your hand of friendship but I have those whom I need already around me. I may not see them often or talk with them often but they are there for me, just like I hope they know I am there for them.

    It is getting late now, my eyes are starting to droop as I type the last of this and my mind is calling for bed. At least tonight will be a cool night in the house, the first night in a while. As I said earlier Oklahoma heat and a broken air conditioner does not mix well. We broke down an found someone who could come and fix it today, fortunately it was at a very reasonable rate compared to many others and they went above and beyond what we had expected them to do. It is people like that I enjoy meeting in this world even if it is only for a short time, I know I will always remember them.

    Tomorrow look for a couple of poems I have written as a follow up to this post. Inside the head of an introvert can be very interesting at times.

    Good Night All!

    ~Natalie

Keira's Dance

Keira’s Dance

    It is time to get up and start the day's cleaning. Keira doesn't go to school on Friday so I have tried to make a habit of resting in the morning for a bit and then get up and clean for the rest of the day. It doesn't always work out that way but at least I try. Before I get going for the day I wanted to share one last thing with everyone – Keira's Dance.

    Back in February, Keira went in for her seventh surgery. Since she was born with micrognathia of the lower jaw, we have been patiently waiting for the doctor to give us the green light to have the jaw distraction done. In September of 2009 we got that green light. So in February, Keira had surgery to attach a metal distracter to both sides of her jaw. The distracter was attached to two screws that we had to turn up to three times a day so we could bring her jaw forward. It was a painful process for both her and I. She may have had the physical pain but oh the emotional pain of seeing her little face and the tears that came from her would rip me apart nearly every day.
    At the end of April, Keira went back in for her eighth surgery to have the screws and distracter removed. It was such a blessing to have those screws and distracter taken out but unfortunately we will have to repeat the process again in the near future. The good thing is we have some time to heal up both physically and emotionally before the next round of surgeries begin.
    Today I want to show the world just how resilient my little girl is. Two days after her February surgery, she was still swollen but her spirits were high. We had just finished watching Dirty Dancing and well my little girl got the urge to dance. It was so cute to see that swollen face on such a tiny body dancing around to 'Time of My Life' and she was definitely having the time of her life. It are the little joys, like her dancing or discovering that now she has a chin she likes to be tickled under it, as she so discovered yesterday, that help push me through the hardest portions of the day.

    I have added a link to this post to my YouTube channel where I have posted the video. Please feel free to share, to send it around to your friends. If one little four year old can be as resilient as her, than all of us can get through whatever we are facing.
    
    Keira's Dance on YouTube - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8NIV6kjYx8
    Now it is time to clean a very messy house! Enjoy and who knows maybe I will be back to post more today!
    Natalie
    

I Am Super Mom!

    I am Super Mom! Okay not really – I am just a mom doing what needs to be done. I am the proud mother of two rambunctious boys and one very dramatic little girl. So what makes everyone of late tip their hat to me and have them saying I am super mom? Everything I do is something that needs doing and everything I don't still needs doing. To me, I am just like every other mom, who does what she can and gets her pay in hugs and kisses.
    As a parent, whether conscious or unconscious, you tailor your life around the needs of your family and most important the needs of your children. Just about four years ago my husband and I made a life changing decision brought about by a life changing event. The birth of our daughter was the life changing event and the life changing decision was for me to become a stay at home mom after her birth. So what's so big about that? Women leave the workforce all the time to stay at home with the kids but the difference is our decision was made by our daughter.
    I tip my hat to every mother, who at one time or another, has ever stayed at home with the kids. Staying at home is insane! I was positive, by six months in, I was going to lose my mind. I would look for ways of going back to work. It is crazy all the things you have to do when you become a stay at home mom. Back in the beginning I had more bad days then good days and now when I have a bad day it has just turned into being "Well it looks like we are going to have one of those days!" As time went on though – as more and more good days came – I knew we had made the right decision. So I bet you all are wondering, with how I feel about staying at home, how our daughter – a newborn at the time – made our decision for us. It is because our daughter was born with a rare genetic syndrome called Nager's Syndrome.
    What is Nager's Syndrome? I've never heard of it. That is the most common reaction I get, well next to "Aw what's wrong with her?" Keira, our daughter, has only a mild form of the syndrome, but it is severe enough where it requires her to have a trach (a breathing tube) and a g-tube (feeding tube). Nager's, in technical terms acrofacial dysostosis, is a rare genetic condition involving physical anomalies to the face and limbs. Keira has a recessed lower jaw along with fusion of the jaw (meaning her jaw will only open to a certain point), as well as hypoplasia of both radius bones. She also was born with an underdeveloped thumb on her left hand and the absence of a thumb on her right hand. She has had surgery to correct the left – they took off her underdeveloped thumb and turned her index finger into her thumb – and we did the same process to her right hand. The syndrome also causes temporary to permanent hearing loss because of the underdevelopment of both the outer and middle ear, which Keira has, causing her to have moderately severe bone conduction loss in both ears, requiring her to wear a bone conduction hearing aid. Other than a few physical differences, Keira is a normal, healthy little girl.
    Aw how sad! The poor little thing! Oh, I am so sorry dear! What? Sorry? Sorry for what? Poor little thing? My daughter is a "thing"? Okay so I just went on a tangent there – I am sure most of you thought some of that – those are normal reactions to hearing about my daughter and those are my normal reactions to what is said. Of course I don't say them out loud as most people would be taken aback, thinking me rude at their sympathy – which no offense don't need and don't want. How people react to my daughter doesn't bother me but when they feel sorry for her or me (for having "taken" on such a responsibility), that is where I have a problem. Keira is just as normal as the next kid – smart and mischievous to boot. As for me, there is no responsibility too great when it comes to your child.
    Now here is where people ask me how I do it. And by "it" I mean take on everything I do – which I will give you the short of it. "It" refers to taking care of the housework, the household finances, be a full time college student and a writer, taking care of three kids, one with special medical needs and that includes coordinating with doctors on her plan of treatment, oh and you can't forget taking care of the ever loving man by my side – my husband. This is where I am told I am super mom and my reply to that is – "No, I'm just a mom and a wife and how I do it is, I just do." So my house isn't always the cleanest – I will be the first to admit the dinner dishes aren't always done the night they are used – but the house does get cleaned, the laundry and dishes do get done, the kids are always fed and bathed, and I do manage to get time to myself to curl up with a book or watch a movie with my husband. I have come to learn and believe that when a woman leaves the workforce to become a stay at home mom she has only traded it for another full time job, one in which she gets paid with hugs and kisses.
    Since people think of me as super mom, I began to think of all the different jobs I do, jobs that people get paid for. It is not just me who does these jobs; it is every other mom as well. Here is a litany of jobs a mom does everyday –
    She is a cook, a baker, a candy maker, a maid, a laundress, a seamstress, a grocer, a stocker, a clerk, a secretary, an answering service, a messenger, a delivery driver, a driver training instructor, and a chauffeur. She is a mechanic, a repair woman, an inventor, a scientist, a researcher, a research assistant, a computer specialist, an electronic specialist, a teacher, a mathematician, a historian, a reading specialist, a librarian, an artist, a writer, and a reporter. She is a counselor, a speech pathologist, a linguistic expert, an interpreter, and an occupational therapist. She is a human relations specialist and coordinator, a schedule coordinator, an appointment setter, a marketing specialist, a behavioral therapist, a psychologist, and an early child care developmental specialist. She is a loan officer, a banker, an accountant, a payroll clerk, a police officer, a judge, a lawyer, and a juror. She is a nurse, a doctor, and a paramedic. She is an air traffic controller and a flight instructor. She is an image consultant, a fashion designer, a fashion coordinator, a hair dresser, a make-up artist, a costume designer, a film maker, a director, an actress, a music coordinator, an entertainment coordinator, and a photographer. She is an athletic director, an athletic coordinator, an athletic coach, and a personal trainer. She is a gardener and a lawn care specialist. She is a painter, a plumber, a window washer, and an interior designer. She is in waste disposal management, water works management, and she is an energy conservationist. She is the chief executive officer, the chief operating officer, the president, and she is a queen!
    All of these different jobs can be summed up with just one title – MOM! Every woman who is a mother does all of these and probably more. Oh we might complain from time to time, or get bogged down with one thing or another, but the thing about a mom is she keeps on going and doing because that is what a mom does. So when someone says I am super mom, I'm really not, I am just a mom doing what needs to be done. In my book any mom who can do all these jobs everyday; well she is a super mom!